I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize