And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
