did you get engaged???
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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