he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
