I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My balls are so social today.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Randomize
