she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize