Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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