do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize