you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
