Swine flu. Run for my life!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
