i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
