We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
