he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
