Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
40s are totally the cure
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
