I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize