I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
