Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
