If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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