How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
