i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
