His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
