He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize