I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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