Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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