i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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