My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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