Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
