I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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