pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
