and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
