I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
