I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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