i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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