you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
