I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
