My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
