don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
