remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
