You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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