i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
