be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
