it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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