if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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