So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
