I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
