After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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