dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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