why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I will be naked everywhere
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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