Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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