I never want to see another naked old woman again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
