don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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