I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think i have herpe
just one?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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