Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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