I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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