watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
