how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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