I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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