Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize