they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
