I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
