I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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