I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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