Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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