i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
