Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize