I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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