like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
