You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
