We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
