fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
