I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
