I wish I could teleport
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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