a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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