You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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