im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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