Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize