This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
