I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
