DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Alive.
So much puke
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
