SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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