Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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