The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
