Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
