you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
