yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize