God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
