Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
