Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
