After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
