so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
