i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
