So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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