its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
