I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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