I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We are two peas in an std pod
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
