I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
accomplished twins. life is a go
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
