I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
