Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
