I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
