Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
